Choices in Life

Since I was young people had always been making choices for me, telling me where to go and what to do. Even if they didn’t tell me society or the illusion of independance always chose the path. It made me feel that my life was predetermined, and safe. but now I see that the roads that others are driving me down are dead ends and the only way for me to go is to state my own course, and burn bridges that I cross every day to do so.

 

When you don’t make your own choices you don’t have a reason to live. you are just a faceless puppet in an ocean of deceit. I have decided that if I don’t make my own choices in life then my life isn’t for me. If my life isn’t for me and myself alone, then I don’t want it anymore.

 

Some people find family the most important thing in the world. I feel like I’m offending people when I say that my values lie in individuality and time. I have realized that the only thing holding me back, holding me in are the people who think they can make my choices for me: my family. Choosing between yourself and your family shouldn’t be this easy, ever. But they have made the choice painfully obvious.

 

Through my restless dreams I have seen the gates to happiness, and the only way to do so is to leave behind my tormented past and make sure I’d never want to return. The time won’t be now, but it will be soon. I cast my life into the shadows of chance. After all, even limbo is better than hell.

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One Response to Choices in Life

  1. keith rauh says:

    I can totally relate with how you feel . When I was growing up I often felt out of place in my own family like an outsider or I was adopted at times because I was so different. I also felt like a loner at times as well. Many times people would also try to make me conform to the path they chose for me or thought I should be on but this was only a set up for failure. I often times would get in trouble because of choices I made but I needed to make my mistakes to learn from them. Unfortunately people in life still try to do this even at my age when they tell me to get a real job instead of being self employed which I like because of the freedom I have in it as opposed to having to be somewhere at the same time every day doing the same meaningless tasks for many years, that sure is not me. I wish we could connect at some point and you could get to know me better but judging by your few entries here I can already see how alike we are. Genetics are unbelievable how strong they are. I wish I didn’t miss as many opportunities as I did over the years but hopefully its not too late. I would imagine by the fact you and your siblings have different fathers that would also cause you to feel like an outsider as well. If you need to talk or I can do anything for you please don’t ever hesitate to ask I will do my best to help you any way I possibly can.

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